I’m not talking about the movie that Simon Pegg was in. Don’t get me wrong I did enjoy the movie. The movie title is quite thought provoking, so I decided to create a list of inappropriate actions befitting the title.
- Forget their birthdays: Nothing pisses off friends more than forgetting their birthdays. Especially when they told you the day before ‘tomorrow is my birthday’. Great Scott, I totally forgot cos you’re not that important.
- Show up late or not at all for every event they throw/organize and do not have a tangible excuse for coming late. “Bridget, why weren’t you at my baby christening?” response: “No particular reason. But I had more entertaining things to do at home”.
- Ignore Phone calls: Do not pick up calls of numbers you have saved. Ignore missed calls and text messages. Only attend to life and death situations.
- Embarrass your friends and family in public. Nothing says ‘I don’t give a rat’s ass about your feelings’ like airing dirty laundry in public. Create a scene aimed at humiliating
- Public farting will earn you a label and a reputation; it will also ensure that people avoid you at all costs.
- Use inappropriate language and swear a lot. Drop the ‘F’ word, the ‘N’ bomb and every other obscene immoral combination you can come up with. Combining this with a very LOUD voice will make you a hit to avoid. ‘Loud mouthed f**keroo’.
- Develop a snobbish attitude. Look down and condemn every single thing. Have a superiority complex and make asses of everyone else.
- Go around smelling people. If they aren’t freaked out then I don’t know what else would do the trick. Smell your friends like they were freshly picked flowers every time you see them; or on the flip side, place a peg on your nose whenever they come around then say “You stink, didn’t you know that? Gosh!”
I may not have captured all the strong points but this is how I’ve successfully eliminated ‘friends’ from my social circle. It’s like I have split personalities and … but that’s a story for another day.
If you have further suggestions for the list, I’m open to hear them.