Resolutions Gone Wrong

You know those things you’re told are bad for you? Why are they so alluring that we must have them?

I have been doing some soul searching, which was prompted by the sting of questions I’ve been getting lately about my marital status – which is still single by the way.

Impossible relationships, that’s my specialty. Relationships which are doomed from the beginning appeal to me. The simple fact that they are heading nowhere and destined for failure right from the start intrigues me.

Maybe I’m flawed; I can’t really say but I get sucked in every time, despite my better judgment.

The thing is, I don’t go looking for these ‘relationships’ but they always seem to find me. These situations are comfortable, require no commitment, neither are they emotional or sexual in nature; it’s just friendship with a little bit of flirtation. Aargh!!!

My half year resolution was to start on a clean slate. So I said goodbye pointless friendships and relationships and hello cutie in the corner ‘who’s been giving me the eye for months – this is your chance, don’t blow it dude’. Just when I thought I was making progress, BAM!, bad boy, nothing good to offer but ‘let’s be friends’ pops up on my radar. I find myself thinking ‘why didn’t I call-in sick like I planned so I could have missed bumping into this hunk of a temptation?’

Carnal thoughts get thee behind me. Impossible relationships.

From standing at the doorway to chat, we’re now at a bar hanging out. I have an out of body experience and see my spirit shaking her head sadly as I laugh like a fool at what ‘hunk temptation’ is saying.

Why am I so weak? Why couldn’t I resist like I said I would?

I find myself slipping into justification mood as I walk away. “It was only one time, no harm no foul, right”, I say. It’s like eating cake when you’re supposed to be on a diet. Everyone’s allowed cheat days and today’s my cheat day, I tell myself.

shame on uMy phone beeps, ‘It was nice hanging with you. Let’s do this again tomorrow’. Before I can stop myself, I reply ‘Sure thing dude. See ya tomorrow’.

I’m hopeless.

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