Had I known.
This too familiar phrase precedes or ends the retelling of a lamentable story. Had she known.
Women are always under pressure. Under pressure to look better, so we spend all we have on make-up, wardrobe changes and elixirs and mixes to keep us trim; under pressure to have better looking lives, so we create a façade of happiness that the world envies when we are really buckling under depression and anxiety; under pressure to be seen as complete women, so we marry the riff raff that we can’t stand just because time is running out, remain under physical and emotional abuse from a husband who should be our protector because of what people would say, go from one prophet to the other looking for a miracle baby, allow ourselves be prodded by doctors and surgeons still looking for that baby that is ours so that the world can know, I am a woman. You are a complete woman in spite of being without a man or a child from your own womb. But in this part of the world, the opposite holds true.
I am not a mother and I may not know the psychological turmoil these women go through from their families and society but as a friend to many who have lost their lives in this desperate gamble underneath the surgeon’s knife, I ask myself constantly if it was worth it.
A friend said to me once, there are thousands of babies waiting to be adopted, why not take one of them? My response, nobody wants to admit to being a failure and to some, adoption is an admission of your failure.
Had they known they would have waited for Mr. Right and not being pressured into accepting Mr. Right Now. Had they known they would have stopped competing with everyone else and focused on being the best version of themselves. Had they known they would have adopted a beautiful baby and given him/her all their love.
If they had known it would end their lives, that might have made a different choice.