I Remember You

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Birthdays are special. For one day, you are the centre of attraction. And everyone who matters to you makes you feel special. As the celebrant you stand at the precipice of new beginnings.

Today I remember a young man who has missed 7 birthdays but yet ages daily in my mind and heart. I can see his beards, his full head of hair and that quirky smile and raised eyebrows.

I remember the football field cake made in honor of your 8th birthday.
I remember your afro.
I remember your kindness and selflessness.
I remember your loyalty.
I remember your strength, your confident charm and your voice.
I remember…

Happy birthday James. I still gat you.

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The Final Goodbye

Leaving him was the hardest thing she’s had to do in a long time. The pull and connection was ever so strong even after years of being separated by geography and conflicting schedules. Her chest constraints in pain, causing her to hyperventilate while simultaneously tearing up and stray tears spilling uncontrollably. Her tear ducts were shaming her in public and she was at a loss for what to do. She has one clear thought though, ‘Enough was enough, her days of being an emotional mess were long behind her. She was done.’

Looking up at James as he brushes off imaginary lint off her arms all in a desperate attempt to draw out their farewell, Mary knows this is goodbye but none of them have the guts to say it out loud; but he knows. He sees it in her eyes, in her posture – the way her shoulders are pulled back with her collarbone protruding, – the continuous twitch around her lips as she bites back numerous sarcastic retorts. He knew her well enough to bite his tongue and keep any platitudes to himself, they would backfire at this point. A lot had been said and there were no words left only this huge silence between them and the electricity emanating from their bodies. Chemistry had never been their problem but everything else.

Their embrace was long and communicated every emotion they each felt, Mary was the first to pull away. ‘Have a safe flight babe’ James said. ‘You know I love you’. Looking into his eyes for what felt like a minute, Mary pulls him close till their foreheads touch, caresses his chin, turns, walks away and doesn’t look back. She was tired of this dance, the I love you’s and the emptiness she felt whenever geography and family demanded their due. She was done.

As the plane ascends into the clouds and the embarrassing tears escape in bucket loads, Mary can be heard chanting over and over again, ‘I can’t keep letting this happen. This is the end, I’m better than this’.

Old Love Letters

Looking at our old love letters; the ones you wrote and those that I wrote but never sent, because they were not good enough. It tells a story of a shining past draped in the likeness of a fairytale but really it was spotted with doubt and confusion.

The sweet letters still tug on my heart strings, bringing a smile as I try to hold on to the warmth those words held. Yours were filled with the confidence of a pro in love while mine reeked of hesitance and the forced emotion of a girl trying to keep up. I loved you, really I did, but it wasn’t equal in weight to yours.

You loved with an intimidating passion and you overwhelmed me with your words and emotions. I wished then I could keep up…

I think it’s time to throw away these old love letters. Wait… Maybe later… Maybe Never.

In A Cynical Mood

To forcefully snap myself out of my almost depressed funk yesterday, I thought to delve into the world of comedy but ended up with a romantic movie instead.
LoveRosie-postEnter, ‘Love, Rosie’. Touching romantic movie starring Lily Collins and Sam Claflin in the lead. Great soundtracks by the way.

Love,  Rosie: A story about missed opportunities, lost love and friendship that forgives and stands the test of time. Yes I was teary eyed and ‘ahhhed’ at the appropriate moments but once the sentiments wore off, I realized I was served a hot plate of bullocks. This doesn’t happen in real life! Happy endings are few and far between and that story about kissing a few frogs till you find your Prince is just a s#*tty ploy to keep people enamored and hopeful. I know loads of ladies who are stuck kissing their ‘chosen’ frogs for the rest of their lives having come to the realization that a Princely kiss is no where in the horizon.

Quotation-Darren-Shan-life-people-evil-truth-heroes-happy-Meetville-Quotes-266311Life is messy. Filled with missed opportunities, failed relationships, betrayals and life long heartbreak. Maybe that’s why we have Hollywood to delude us into believing in magic and all the other fantasies it sells. Don’t get me wrong, I love movies,  but I think I have gotten the point where I’m not buying what their selling anymore.

This might be brought on by my withdrawal symptoms from the world, but for now, cynicism will do.

Thinking About Love

I was pondering today about love. A love that stands the test of time. A love that is unselfish, kind and all about giving.

I am of the school of thought that love is and can be eternal. That love transcends the mushy and tingling feelings we have when we go gaga for someone. I believe, love is a state of being. It is goes beyond the call of duty and sometimes borders on the unconventional and absurd.

You can call me a hopeless romantic but I love LOVE. And I long for my share of love that is neither bound by time or reason.

Don’t get me wrong, it does hurt when it ends for whatever reason, but a great love must be experienced at least once in a lifetime.

So I looked to Hollywood for fodder to feed my desire to be immersed in LOVE. My top 5 choices

1. A Walk to Remember – Jamie & Landon

2. The Fault in Our Stars – Hazel Grace Lancaster & Augustus Waters

3. Jerry MaGuire – You complete me … You had me at hello

4. When Harry Met Sally 

5. The Notebook – Allie & Noah

Breaking Up

A woman’s mind who can phantom.

When it comes to love and relationships, a woman’s mind is hard to understand. She loves you but is not ‘IN’ love with you. Seriously, can you tell the difference? I would really like to know.

Breakups are difficult. Stressful for the breaker (initiator of breakup) and hard for the breakee (the person being left).  Stringing the perfect breakup is tricky and requires delicate execution and some breakup lines are just epic.

I saw these on the MGTOW website and I couldn’t help laughing and sharing. Classic female breakup lines.

  • She “loves you, but she’s not IN love with you”.
  • She “needs time and space”.
  • She “doesn’t feel like she has anything to give at the moment”.
  • She “is at a point in her life where she really needs to focus on her career”.
  • She “needs to FIND herself”.
  • She’s “not sure where this relationship is going”. (when she has already decided without consulting you, that it’s going in the trash)
  • You’re a “really great guy”… but she’s “just not feeling it anymore”.
  • “It’s not you. It’s her”.

Tell me, honestly, how many of these lines have you used to get out of a relationship?

Fighting Temptation

If my life were a movie, fighting temptation would be the title.

I need to let him go but I don’t think am strong enough.

Everywhere I look he’s there, calling me. Seducing me with his deceptive innocence and alluring looks. Every day I look away only to be lured by his whispers of pleasure, waiting, only for me.

I turn away but I feel his warm stare burrowing into the back of my head. He’s in my thoughts, in my dreams – there’s no escaping his smell.

I remember the feel of him in my hands, his taste is oh so soft and sweet and every day I just want to hold him, even if it for a moment, even if I never feel his lips on mine again; all I want to do is hold him and feel whole once more.

You are not good for me but still I yearn for you. Why can’t I live without you? Every day is a struggle not to look into your eyes and be lost. My friends warn me everyday to stay away cos you’re nothing but bad news, yet our bond grows strong.

You need to let me go just as I need to let you go. I walk slowly towards him for the final farewell. This is how our love ends. Just one more time, that’s all I ask, before we say goodbye.

We go to our secret place, a place where no one can judge us for being together. I hold him gently and bring him to my mouth. A deep sigh escapes from my lips when our tongues touch.

Ohhhhhh, Ice Cream. I will miss you.

Love Day

Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day. *rolling my eyes*. The season I hate most. But hey, I have no choice but to join in the fray and ‘celebrate’ with everyone else.

I am not single, so don’t take this as the ranting of a single or lonely person. But the hype and obsession with this one day just rubs me the wrong way.

In my opinion, there is unnecessary pressure placed on people in relationships to act out scenarios played up by Hollywood. The over bloated display of love on February 14th doesn’t always spill into the rest of the year. Valentine’s Day has become a platform for people in relationships to showoff, be it their spouses, gifts or grand gestures received. A classic case of my horse is bigger than yours.

It’s no wonder that people are becoming creative in their ploys to avoid being caught in the web of phony displays of love and the extravagance associated with the love season.

Here are a few going around

PWEEty laddY...=_

Oluwadamilare

Don’t get me wrong, I love to be wooed, petted and courted but I prefer any display of affection be honest and not become a show. Call me old school, but I want that grand gesture to be about me and what I mean to my partner and not the fact that I want my friends to be green with envy.

No matter how much we want to dress it up, Love is simple.

For me, it’s the little things that matter and not the size of the cake or teddy bear.

Have a great Valentine celebration and may your life always be filled with love.

Cheers