Musings On My Weight

Ever since I could remember I’ve been engaged in some form of exercise or the order. I am always baffled at how I got to be a whooping size 20 and gradually creeping into size 22. Don’t gasp too muchmuch, that was almost 4 years ago. 

How did I turn a corner? It started with a dress. Late 2011,i think September, I made a black and pink dress for a wedding. It cost me some money when I think about how much I was paid back then so I saved it for special occasions. In March of 2012, it was a battle to fit into this lovely black dress I had worn months before. The dress tore that day while at the afternoon gathering and it took the help from a colleague and several safety pins to hold it together till I could bolt out of the venue. 

That embarrassing situation got me thinking about my health, my weight and my state of mind. It made me sit up and take my life seriously as at the time my blood pressure was through the roof.

There were a lot of false starts and reboots; experiments with exercises, exercise equipments and instructors [Shaun T, Charlene Johnson and Jillian Michaels are my absolute favorites]; diet mishaps, shakes and mixtures. Through it all, my eyes are on the prize – I have a dream, that one day I’ll fit into a size 14 dress and all will be well with the world. 

Till that day comes, I’ll be up every morning dancing, running or lifting weights and doing all I can to remain healthy in spirit, mind and body. 

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The Pain Of Exercise

Feel the endorphins; exercise gives you a natural high; don’t you just love the feeling you get when you exercise?

Lies, all lies cos I’m constantly in pain.

I’m not new to exercising. I survived the screaming bully that is Jillian Michaels and endured her torture and her tortured tools

  1. Banish Fat Boost Metabolism
  2. Ripped In 30
  3. 30 Day Shred
  4. Body Revolution

At the end of it all the fat wasn’t banished, my body wasn’t ripped nor shredded and my body, though down a few inches, wasn’t revolutionized.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying these exercises didn’t work, no; they just didn’t give the drastic results championed by the infomercials. I had high hopes for the duration of my journey with Jillian Michaels but those expectations got the life snuffed out of them at the end of every program I tried. I lost some weigh but not all.

So I decided to curb my expectations and search for a fitness DVD that would get me closer to my goal within an allotted timeframe. I watched countless YouTube videos and read an endless number of blogs and reviews before selecting my next torture tool. Enter P90X – Power 90 X.

My weight loss journey started in May of 2012 after I tore through my dress at a function – it was 12noon. I held the dress together with safety pins for the duration of the event as I was the event planner and couldn’t leave. After the event, I drove straight to the gym and enrolled to start the very next day. I was so humiliated.

Starting out I was a size 20 bordering on size 22. Now one year later I am a size 18 still fighting to become a size 14 before January – fingers crossed.

Transitioning from going to the gym to a Jillian Michaels DVD was difficult and I cursed her every time I popped her DVD in. Good times. Now transitioning into weight training is something of a challenge as I do not have upper body strength.

P90X involves a lot of pushups, pull ups and planks – no walk in the park; and whoever said Yoga was a breeze was just fooling around. Yesterday was Yoga X day and Tony expected me to do this!

P90Hell No

Give me weights and I’ll lift them, but for crying out loud ‘Crane’, ‘Pushups with one leg in the air’! Seriously dude! And I don’t know where to find the time to exercise for 1hour at a stretch, God help me.

I don’t know what I’ve signed up for cos I couldn’t scrub my back in the shower this morning from the pain.

I hope I can live through this. Wish me luck.

Growing Up

prioritiesWhen I was younger I enjoyed being sick. It meant I didn’t have to go to school, I got pampered by my mother; I could lay on the couch all day watching cartoons and got away with about anything. Everyone was my slave and I got whatever I wanted. *Deep sigh*, those were the days.

Praying to be ill became a regular prayer point when I was in boarding school, weird right? Any excuse to escape cleanup or communal punishment was welcome and being ill was the surest way. Although this didn’t always work out the way I planned being a military school, but it had its moments.

In university, being ill was the shortest cut to weight loss. Needed to shed the extra holiday weight, all I had to do was get back to school, drink some questionable water here and there and then, BAM! I was ill.

First my neck would become elongated and then the rest of the body would follow, o joy! Even in the pain, I was happy, just because.

Now, I hate hospitals and loath being sick. Being sick now means a visit to the hospital (no more self medication), injections, doctor’s reports and abandonment. Gone are my reasons for enjoying and praying to be sick. I no longer lose weight, I can no longer escape house chores, I do not have the luxury of being pampered and petted and sick days can now be deducted from my paycheck. Illnesses are now a nuisance.

It’s amazing how our priorities change as we grow older. Cast your mind back with me to 10 years ago, do the same things still matter to you or you’ve gotten over them and established new priorities? I realize more each day that the things I cared the most for, suddenly pales in comparism with the present realities of everyday life.

I know you’re thinking, how being ill can be a wish! But you need to have lived my life to understand why it was. We all have that secret thing that made sense at the time but now, when we look back we just shake our heads and laugh.

I just did. Boy, was I silly. Care to share yours?

My Weighted Romance

For as long as I can remember I’ve been on a diet. Whether it was to encourage my mum who was watching her weight at the time, or it was to shed to extra pounds gained from an extra session in secondary, the diet plan was always similar – cut out carbs and fill up on proteins and veggies.

Yeah right. Tell that to a teenager.

I’ve never been a foodie, but my problem has always been my constant desire to keep my mouth moving. Hungry or not, I must put something in my mouth and gum has never been able to solve this problem. That’s why I’ve seen myself progress from a size 10 when I was in my early teens to a size 16 at age 20.

The constant battle to lose or just maintain the size 16 frame has seen me embark on countless diets, cleanses and botched exercise endeavors. As at 2012 I was a size 22 – I wasn’t sexy and I knew it.

With my weight gain I refused to exercise but instead swallowed miracle pills, drank tasteless herbal teas and numerous concocted drinks all bearing the same promise of miraculous weight loss. The pictures were there to show those massive fat frogs who had consumed this product and miraculous shed off the weight. I was determined to be one of them.

I had heard stories of different people who ate normal everyday food, didn’t exercise and still didn’t put on weight. But here I was barely eating but basically snacking, occasionally, and the weight was creeping in and making me look like a swollen watermelon. There had to be an easier way asides exercise.

A friend made a new discovery and it was Zilux tea. All I had to do was drink this tea at night before bed and voila, I would be slim again. Although it cost me some big bucks, I purchased this life changing tea and expected my miracle.

OMG. I had never pooped so much in my life.

My nights were spent on the toilet bowl, purging my insides out. I called the distributors and was told that I was experiencing the weight loss process, no need to fear, everything was fine. Like Seriously! How was purging through the night normal?

 I stuck to my guns. Determination overrode common sense and the nightly discomfort, to slim down I must.

As you would expect, at the end of the prescribed torture period, I was still FAT, dehydrated, pooped on my bed and sleep deprived. Needless to say I was unhappy but took solace in vanilla ice cream with red velvet cake and I was happy again.

I’ll try again next year.

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